Vampyric awakening is a concept within the real vampyre community that can best be described as “becoming aware”. Vampyres are therefore not made, but born as such. At least they have a corresponding emotional and behavioral disposition, although we are not talking about a new species here. Rather, it refers to a certain mindset, special experiences that have been made, and the often inexplicable desire for blood or the urge to absorb energy. In the end, these factors usually lead to an approach to the topic of vampyrism.
Energetic Vampyrism in everyday life and the distinction to Sanguine Vampyrism
Be it the boss who lacks psychological strength, who may have had a busy day and had to make difficult decisions, or the nurse who is overly stressed by work. The student who was bullied at school, or the student who was overlooked at university.
All these interpersonal inattentions – or in the worst case attacks-weakens everyone. No one feels good after an insult. The boss may become the culprit as soon as she comes home and scolds the husband for unfinished housework. She takes energy from him, which she lacks herself, by taking her frustration out on him, forcing herself to take a more powerful position. This way of dealing with her own deficits only leads to more suffering. The same is true for the student who is the victim first and either remains on a low energy level or also commits a perpetration.
An “energetic vampire” is especially aware of this loss of energy (as surely as meditators or other mindfulness practitioners are) and his path to dissolving this state involves recharging his batteries in a self-reflective setting by absorbing energy, taking into account the participants. It is a different perspective on the same thing.
For this purpose, he may seek out a friend who is bursting with energy or happiness and who will rebuild him. Such an exchange of energy is therefore not always of a conscious nature – pantha rei. We do not have to decide to want to feel better. It just happens. The friend does not have to be “tapped” purposefully, he sprays his overflowing strength.
Others go to places where large crowds of people come together, maybe a concert or a busy pedestrian zone. There you can move unnoticed through the crowds and catch a little bits” of energy here and there. You don’t take anything that is not available in abundance anyway.
Nobody would call me a freeloader when I meet with friends and absorb the energy that flows – a romantic mood, a funny event, exuberant partying. All this fills you with a fresh spirit. This is not a typical vampire behavior. What is “typical for vampires” is the sharpened awareness of these energies flowing.
Still others explicitly look for an intimate moment that offers them what they need. They must or want to focus for this – they may suffer from an energy loss that is perceived as particularly unpleasant. They may seek a donor, a person they are very close to. These relationships are usually very intimate, not necessarily sexual. A donor offers and benefits from the excessed energy that otherwise makes themselves restless and unfocused.
So it is a give and take. No one is simply robbed (unless they are the ones who act thoughtlessly – but they certainly wouldn’t call themselves energy vampires…). And nobody is forced – at least in a mindful world.
Thirst, Hunger, Desire – An Introduction
The one thing that unites us.
In addition to everything that we may not share by definition, “thirst”/”hunger” is a significant component.
This thirst, which for me has clear contours and is expressed very unambiguous, was one of the things I observed that led me to the topic of vampyrism. The thirst expresses itself differently from vampyre to vampyre.
We differentiate between Sanguinists and Energy Vampyres, whereby the latter, as “not-yet-awakened”, represent a special “danger” for others, inasmuch as they unconsciously and thus unregulated drool for energy. You can read more about energy vampyrism here.
Sanguinists then speak of a craving for blood. The thirst can suddenly break its course – perhaps because the V has been unexpectedly weakened (just one strenuous day is enough), but it can also swell up and down, i.e. return in cycles, while others notice it and hold it out or prevent it with the help of substitute actions – more about this in a moment.
What triggers hunger?
From psychiatry the term “trigger” has meanwhile entered the mainstream – it means a behavioral trigger, in our case an event that can “switch on” hunger. It can be things like a cut on the finger of a colleague at work or an appealing scene from a film. The triggers are manifold.
Each vampire decides for himself whether he exposes himself to these triggers. He can try to take the sting out of the trigger by lowering the threshold for triggering the behavior by “habituation”. Just as well he can decide to expose himself to the trigger consciously – because if I’m honest (and I’m only talking about me now), hunger and its stimulating accompanying emotions is a very attractive companion.
How does hunger manifest itself?
As I want to emphasize again – we clearly distinguish between the fictional vampire and the real vampyre. The former is known for not being able to live without blood, he is dependent on it as food, so to speak. Without it it becomes weak, maybe even dies.
The real vampyre is a variety of the human being. He does not need blood to live, he gets along in principle very well without it. But what he knows very well about “withdrawal” or a hunger phase are symptoms like tiredness, exhaustion, depression, lack of concentration…
Some people who define their thirst primarily in terms of iron deficiency or other nutritional deficiencies may also perceive themselves as anaemic, in the sense of their own anaemia. This is often accompanied by a higher pulse rate during exertion, etc. Vs that define themselves by medical conditions are therefor called “Med Sangs”.
From the outside, this condition can be recognized by increased paleness, restlessness or even dejection – and it can be assigned if one knows about the status of the other person. Hunger, which has been held back for a long time, can have these rather unpleasant side effects.
Hunger that occurs in the short term (perhaps because it has been triggered) can also be more than that: it can act as a stimulant – blood pressure rises, vision becomes clearer, a more conscious perception of one’s own body and focus on the immediate surroundings sets in – one’s own body adjusts to a kind of hunting. This can lead to so-called shifts (as described here).
A secular theory, which is discussed in the vampyre society, regards humans as hunters and vampyres as a form of the same, who have not lost this hunting instinct. Humans belong to the hunters (and gatherers of course), we all have gifts to hunt, kill and finally eat animals, only our refrigerators are well filled and this gift remains unused at least in our society.
The desire – is one at the mercy of it?
Especially in the awakening phase, many people report that hunger overwhelms their own thoughts and feelings. One’s own thoughts revolve around the subject of blood, its attraction and the longed-for calm when the thirst is satisfied… Usually the feeling of powerlessness in the face of the desire for blood subsides over time. Either because ways are found to avoid it, to prevent it or to satisfy it.
And even though it can be a very unpleasant companion, it does not force us to commit violent acts (as sometimes read in the tabloids or in crime stories) or to die from them. Vs should also always keep a rational overview of their actions because of their reflective nature.
So here it is necessary to give in to one’s own/religious/natural/… morality – no human should be taken by surprise. Nobody may be hurt who does not voluntarily agree to it. A donor who gives his consent to bodily harm and blood donation is of highest value for the vampyre.
Similar codes of conduct apply here as in any other scene entering the grey zone (for example BDSM). From a legal point of view, depending on how it is interpreted, it is immorality, bodily harm or similar. And even if I appeal to the intellect here, I have to admit that I cannot (yet) estimate “my” hunger. So if I can’t be sure not to hurt my donor, then I should avoid triggers or find other ways to deal with them.
Anyway, I will not die of my thirst, it just makes it harder than it should be…
Drink red juices
Eat a rare steak
Eat something hot
Do some walk
This is of course not an exhaustive list.
All of these actions can help to quench the thirst in a more relaxed way. They can be used preventively, if one tends to recognize it too late or as a substitute action in case it has already occurred. Not everyone has a voluntary donor on hand and so the V must take action himself.
My own thirst, for example, usually sneaks up on me for a few days and then takes me by surprise – I’m not very good at recognizing it in time yet. Apart from that I still lack insight. I see the thirst, I notice my lust for blood and yet I can’t bring myself to actually pursue it. Only when I have accepted this part will I be able to satisfy it – in agreement with a voluntary donor. Until then, I will do a lot of sports, eat a healthy diet and treat myself to a glass of iron fizz here and there. 😀
This will be a small insight into my world of thoughts. My first time drinking blood is still ahead of me, so I have some ideas and worries that I’m sure some of you can understand.
The Beast in the Vampyre – A short preface
In vampyrism there is a concept of the dragon/beast/animal in the self of a vampyre. Here we dive deeply into the spiritual-mythological approaches of the vampire self-understanding. To avoid confusion with the concept of Jung’s shadow: It is not about suppressed contents that take on a form of their own.
An example: Someone who was neglected by his parents as a child clings today – he will possibly solve the problem if he becomes aware of this shadow, i.e. this repressed state. Here you can read more about the concept of the shadow: Man and his symbols (link comes up soon)
Here it is rather about a dark part of the vampyre’s own personality, which is often conscious of the vampire, which does not always think morally and which can also frighten the vampyre himself. An example also for this: The neighbor is annoying by playing loud music. You think about how to harm him (but without doing it – at best!). Depending on which violent fantasy you pursue, you can be frightened about what is going on inside you.
I think everybody feels these wild, dark parts in themselves – only nobody talks about it, because we are social beings who need acceptance in society in order to survive or at least to feel comfortable.
With this foreword in the back of my mind, I now dare to interpret the concept.
The concept of the untamed portion
Basically, people and people who consider themselves to be vampyres do not differ here – the difference is not whether this part is present or not, but that the vampire is aware of it. In his confrontation with himself, he dares to penetrate earlier or even more intensively into these rather dark chambers of his soul and to actually look at what lies dormant there. Some people explain this with corresponding experiences, others do not call worse traumatic experiences their own, which could be the basis for an explanation. So it is less about what we have experienced – or not – but rather about the way we understand ourselves and our behavior, whether we cling to the light or allow the shadow to play its part.
Bad experiences, a psychological imbalance or an acute phase of stress can leave their traces, some remain present for a lifetime, others fade away – but they always remain a scar. The “right” way to deal with these triggers and their consequences must be explored subjectively – what works for one person does not necessarily work just as well for another.
What is certain is that, in order to understand ourselves as a whole, we must turn our eyes away from the sun for once, in order to finally be able to see ourselves in the shadow that light first creates. This costs energy and should at best be done in awareness of the possible consequences. Help from outside may also be necessary. Don’t be frightened, because the result is a completely new understanding of yourself and your place in the world.
This dark part now can show itself as a fantasy of violence, as deep sadness or in a completely different form. We can try to see this part, tolerate it, accept it and finally even use it as a source of strength.
I have never learned to argue. When it became difficult, everything was hushed up – the proverbial elephant in the room. One day I had my first panic attack – and fought for a year to get back into a normal life. The panic attacks were a more than clear indication that I urgently needed to learn to communicate my problems and feelings.
It took me some time to understand this, but when I realized this, I had the chance to look at it and understand the panic: This is a part of me that wants to tell me something. I don’t need to be afraid of the panic, I just need someone to whom I can tell just how I am!
And so the knot came loose.
Vampyres (and here again I never talk about all of them!) approach their true nature in their development, oscillating in phases. As you can follow here so well, I also radiate and doubt again and again, only to speak of myself as a vampyre some time later with all my love. This process takes time and energy and patience with myself. And patience is not one of my strengths… But no matter how the journey ends, I learn an incredible amount about myself and it is worth the effort.
FREUD’S CONCEPT FOR THE SOUL BUILDING – “The Ego and the Id”
“It is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality; the little we know about it, we have experienced through the study of dream work and neurotic symptom formation, and most of it has a negative character, can only be described as the opposite of the ego. We approach the Id flat with comparisons, calling it a chaos, a cauldron of seething excitement.” – Sigmund Freud: New sequence of lectures
Now we want to take a closer look at the nature of the animal. Its most striking characteristic might be its uncontrollability, at least that’s what I associate here. According to my own understanding, the concept of the animal could be comparable to that of the “Id” in Freud’s psychic structural model, i.e. the part of the personality that acts unconsciously, but above all in relation to itself. There is a lust, a desire and this does not tolerate any delay. Here live affects, libido and “Destrudo”, as Wikipedia so beautifully describes the will to destroy.
According to Freud, there is also the super-ego, which in its behavior stands in opposition to the ego, i.e. it fights against the ego sensibly and downright with the weapons of its own mind. On a macro-level, the “id” embodies one’s own needs, while the “super-ego” wants to or has to follow given commandments and social norms (i.e. especially prohibitions).
And finally, the “I” stands between the two, so to speak, and tries to strike a balance between desire and impatience on the one hand and cool mind and calculation on the other. It acts in critical awareness and tries to stop its own drives – which in turn is a mandatory prerequisite for a healthy social structure, but leads to inner conflicts when an imbalance is provoked.
The animal now moves more on an instinctive level, it embodies the ego and its needs. It proceeds wildly and impetuously, even against its own “landlord”, who then tries to keep it in check with means it has learned on the one hand, and those which are innate to it on the other – sometimes with great effort. It is necessary to give him leash, to give him a leeway without losing control.
The real danger now would be to take the leash off the animal – usually this is hardly possible to the full extent, at least for all those with an intact moral compass. Murderers and sex offenders are often enough diagnosed with a brain injury or a structural psychosocial change due to trauma. An injury or a birth defect can certainly lead to behavioral changes. Consider the case of Phineas Gage.
In our case, however, I assume that the moral compass works very well and that every reader knows his conscience. This instance, which makes life difficult for you when you have eaten the last cookie of your partner, for example. So in order to be able to create a balance between instinct and mind, this control instance is needed.
But what if this instance starts to falter?
To my shame, I have to admit that it hasn’t been three years since I did and said some questionable things myself. At that time, I was very much concerned with the rather darker parts of the human being and recognized these in myself. With every book I read and every documentary I watched, I sank deeper into a swamp of questions about the existence of an universal morality and my own limits. After only a few weeks I noticed how my moral boundaries shifted and as a result the animal grew within me. My conscience became quieter and quieter and when I write about it today, my heart sinks. Obviously a kind of desensitization took place, which I could only turn around with difficulty in the end. The price was deep-seated shame and, to be honest, a deep shock at what I was capable of and at how much joy it had given me to exceed the limits of others.
I had given the animal too much leash.
However, in my honour I must also admit that my conscience is one of the more persistent kind. I usually move within narrow limits, perhaps more narrow than some others. What I have given of myself this year would only bring a tired smile to Hannibal Lecter.
But since then I feel my limits more clearly.
The goal – a healthy handling of the own animal
During my research on the topic I had some inspiring conversations with vampyres who told me about their experiences with their own animal.
A vampyre probably rarely comes closer to his animal than in a drinking situation. It rears up, the desire for blood becomes unrestrained. The focus is on the here and now, on the red warm wet that runs over skin, looking for a way down, bright and promising. Where I myself write these lines, I imagine such a situation and feel agitated. There is this tension in my jaw again.
The mind closes in and fog covers the borders to the outside world like absorbent cotton. The otherwise omnipresent feeling for one’s own physical boundaries blurs and makes way for a new unity. The animal is allowed to leave its cave for a few moments.
This state can be accompanied by all kinds of different mental states of consciousness and physical changes. Trance, which reaches to a dissociative state, inner peace and focus, which are similar to meditation, but also effervescent and dominant moments arise. Growling, scratching and biting (not for blood! 😉 ), scuffling, tingling goose bumps, heavy breathing, bared teeth, physical dominance… and the deep satisfaction and silence that the animal leaves behind when it withdraws once the desire is satisfied.
Integration and Consensus
The metaphor of the animal is perfectly suited to establish a relationship with your own animal. Instead of a nebulous dark figure, this part becomes tangible. One can occupy oneself with it in a way, which makes an integration possible into the own “mental house”.
For me at least the idea of a dark companion helps, who stands by my side and gives me strength and in return also roams freely. It comes to a consensus with myself, which enables me to reach a consensus with others.
My heartfelt thanks go especially to Cessedy, who gave me an insight into her own being.