This will be a small insight into my world of thoughts. My first time drinking blood is still ahead of me, so I have some ideas and worries that I’m sure some of you can understand. 

Blood tests- Safety first

My first thoughts go in the direction of safety, here especially regarding health.

Corona has also met the vampyre community. And so problems arise in social groups, which you would never expect as an average citizen – or has anyone read about the poor V`s, who can`t get a blood meal so easily anymore?

Since we feel this special need, which also brings the highest infection potential with it, more caution is required – both from thunder and vampyres. V`s do indeed get sick and can die, it is the desire for blood that distinguishes us from others, no more and no less. So without a blood test nothing works for the time being. This is another hurdle in the conquest of a donor heart, but it ensures the well-being of the vampyre and of course, the test also gives the donor a certain amount of security. Everyone should think about getting tested for various diseases from time to time. You don’t even have to see your family doctor, there are contact points where you can have it done anonymously. The results will not appear in your medical file 😉

The time until the test results come in gives the drinking partners time to think about everything.

In times of Corona it is also a good idea to download a warning app. Trust then comes naturally – none of us wants to be alone, we all want to be loved, be it because or even though we want to drink blood.

FEARS

Further thoughts revolve around all kinds of fear. I experience a dazzling emotional carousel at every inner conception for my first time.

From fear of rejection to the anticipation of relaxation afterwards to the special quality of a relationship with a donor, everything is there. But I also tend to overanalyze things – one reason for this blog, by the way. Writing down helps me to put my thoughts in order. 

Basically this first time is not different from all the other first times you experience this way in life.

A new experience wants to be made, but in this case you need a partner who is willing to serve as your fulfillment assistant to take another step on the way to the self.

I can take my fear of infection into account by taking safety precautions such as tests and my own circumspection and also by a stable relationship of trust with a donor who appreciates this with similar effort.

With the fear of rejection, things are different. How do you explain to another person that you would like to drink their blood? I will give myself the answer: With a lot of trust, peace and time… I have already found partners for all kinds of things, so why not find the right person here? Someone who has similar interests, who wants to give me an experience or simply takes advantage of it for theirselve.

Then there is the fear of being unintentionally outed. I was already outed in another meadow and that was not nice. Sometimes it could not be avoided, in other cases someone took a decision from me that was not theirs. But in the end I could live with that as well – so I need a standing in this matter as well. I have to trust that no one does it or that if it does happen, I can handle it well, I can accept for myself that this part belongs to me and that I am not worth less. On the contrary, it takes courage and self-awareness to make such a social taboo subject your own without suffering a high or a low.

One last fear, however, also deals with the possible realization that it is “not my case” after all. I deal intensively with this, try to control expectations and to explore my feelings about it seriously – and yet it can of course happen that I have taken a completely wrong turn. This last concern was much stronger in the beginning, but now I’m sure that the question about it is not so important. It does not matter. If I find out that I like blood and can accept every consequence, then fine! And should it prove to be a big mistake – who cares? Then maybe at the next intersection it will go in a new direction. 

EXPECTATION AND REALITY

Managing expectations can save you some disappointment. In my opinion, a healthy approach to one’s own expectations does not hurt. Who does not know the one girlfriend who is waiting for the right person? Someone who should look like Brad Pitt and glamorize his girlfriend with Bollywood dances and fuck her into a coma with “Twilight” Sex.

In such cases, fantasy and reality have practically nothing in common anymore – but at the latest when the girlfriend notices that the cute letter carrier brings her a package even after his shift, she will probably realize that it’s up to her who she chooses as Mr.Right.

In my case, I try to set my expectations relatively low, but I’m probably just too worried to take action. I’ll work on that later. I have ideas about what a first time drinking could look like and I would like it to be as pleasant as possible for the donor and me, but from this idea to the implementation there are still some hurdles to overcome and Corona is only one of them.

In the end, I hope to be able to release this tension that has been building up inside me for a while now and can be calmed down by coping, but not eliminated. In the quieter phases it is a pleasant tingling sensation, in the more restless ones I tend to oscillate between brain fog and thought turf. Probably in a few years I will smile about how many thoughts I have had about this… After all, I have been exposed to this desire for quite some time now and I am still alive.

ANTICIPATION AND LETTING GO

Now I’m not 18 anymore, but 30 (but I look like 25 *haha*) and I’m quite happy that things went the same way. I feel quite good and right today – I’m still learning, so I’m aware of my weaknesses, but I also know about my strengths. I’m looking for balance and calmness – and if consuming blood brings me closer to this goal, then so be it. At the age of 19 I landed quite rudely in the subject and pushed it off me, only to have it served up by the universe in phases over the past 10 years – until I’m now ready for it.

The moment I am allowed to realize that this is exactly my way and that no further explanation is needed – that being allowed to be what wants to be – I am looking forward to that. I will drink, again and again and it will become my new reality. One that changes only for me to a larger, more comprehensive one, in which I meet new people and know that I am not alone. 

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